Eldritch Abominations, They're So Incredible

On a scale of 1 to Lovecraftian, how weird was that sex dream about Katy Perry you had last night?

Patience

Enthusiasm

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm, and nothing is as important. Can't get enthusiastic about waking up at 5:45 to catch the 138 bus to Port Authority so you can be at your desk by 8:04 before your boss gets to the office? Hate being a claims adjuster? 

Take a step back. Find your passion. Even if your passion is grabbing a group of friends to systematically identify, stalk, terrorize and murder a member of herd with low social status. Feel that adrenaline rush as your jaws clench around his larynx? That's what passion tastes like. How many unsuccessful serial killers have you ever heard of? None. Because they have enthusiasm. 

Captain, I strongly recommend we take evasive action

Wonder

Wonder

Never lose your capacity for wonder. When you do, you’ll wonder whatever happened to it. Then you’ll wonder if the reason your life seems to suck so bad is because you lost it at some point. You’ll wonder, “It is just me, or is the world significantly less awesome than it used to be?”

You’ll look back on that Fourth of July night when you were eleven, and how you went with your family to the state fair grounds to watch the Zambelli family put on the fireworks show, and your mom wasn’t drinking for a change, probably because your dad was taking the night off from flirting with the seventeen-year-old popcorn girl, and you were still carrying around the little league trophy you won the week before when your team beat your cross-town rivals, the Jayhawks, for the county championship.

You’ll think back to the way the freshly cut grass smelled like freedom, and summertime, and America as you breathed it in deeply that night, the way your little sister got ice cream all over her face, and how just when you thought the fireworks couldn’t get any better, they launched into the finale and the whole sky became a symphony of colors and sounds and shapes, and everyone cheered and smiled and laughed, and for the whole night everything was right in the world.

You’ll think back on that night and wonder “Is it just me? Or was that night like, a thousand times better than this fucking “Grey’s Anatomy” rerun that’s on TV?”

You’ll wonder. But you’ll never know for sure.

Faith - Backbone of Democracy

Faith is the backbone of our democracy. Many people think it's the Constitution, or free speech, or voting, but that's bullshit. No, America is a great nation because GOD says it is, and HE has more nuclear weapons than anyone.

That's why most Americans want a president to be religious, even if it doesn't matter what religion he believes in.

And it doesn't.

Because, really, there's an infinite number out there to chose from. And whichever one YOU believe, chances are it's the wrong one, so you're going to go to hell. But not before God smites you with lightning and nuclear weapons.

No, You Can't

We're not just looking for a leader for the next four years. We need a leader for the next 10,000 years. No you can't. No, no es possible.