Perfection

Through your hard work and determination, you have reached a level of perfection unparalleled in human achievement. Revel in your glory. But not for long. For in the very act of achieving perfection, you cease to be human and transform into God HIMSELF. Barely will the North Korean judge have time to reluctantly raise his '10' scoring card before your body, having so expertly sliced the water's surface, is instantly transformed into a luminous cloud of radiant energy. We join the crowd of onlookers in genuflection as we accept you as our new God, and evermore shall we wear little gold diving boards around our necks, ceremonially jump into chlorinated water ever Sunday, and ritualistically imbibe the many performance-enhancing drugs necessary to maintain a diver's physique. Thy will be done.